At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
