so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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