see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
