I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
