I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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