They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
