saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize