toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
