So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
