census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Randomize
