my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
