YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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