I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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