if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
