Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
