I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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