After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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