Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
