The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
