you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
