I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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