I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
