his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
