just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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