i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
