OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
