we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
