why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
