ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
