Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

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(573): View more from Missouri

shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

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(949): View more from California

i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"

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(540): View more from Virginia

I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

(1-540): View more from Virginia

You at least unplugged it right?

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(630): View more from Illinois

We stopped her at 12

(708): View more from Illinois

12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

(630): View more from Illinois

Which answer would freak you out less

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.

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(281): View more from Texas

she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock

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(817): View more from Texas

I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...

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