She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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