I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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