I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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