Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
