Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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