you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
