does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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