I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
