I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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