remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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