My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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