dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
