she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
