i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My penis needs a shock collar
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
