i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
