Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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