meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
