i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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