i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
