The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
