Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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