2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
