one might say we're banned from that church
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
