i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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