When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
