Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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