Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
