I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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