She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
