i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
