My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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