Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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