my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
