God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize