Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
