someone threw a dead crab at me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
