Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
