wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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