just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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