a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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