I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
