East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
